As couples grow older, many stop having sex for many reasons, from lost desire to physical ailments to an inability to perform in the ways they once did. The desire for intimacy, however, usually doesn't dwindle away with time. The key to enjoying lovemaking throughout life is an ability to be flexible and adapt to change. Here are some tips on how we can continue to be—or even start becoming—sexual beings later in life.
1. Accept that sex is going to be different. Natural changes in our aging bodies, as well as certain medications or health disorders, can cause erectile dysfunction in men, vaginal dryness or decreased genital sensation in women, and a diminished libido or sexual response in both genders. Most of these concerns are treatable.
2. Enjoy the perks of getting older. Now that you’re retired and the children aren’t at home, you’ll be able to slow down and talk with your partner about your relationship and about intimacy. And if you’re slower to become aroused than you used to be, no problem: You’ll have extra time for more foreplay and manual stimulation.
3. Express affection in other ways. Learn to express more of your affection and closeness by cuddling, kissing and stroking. Use your senses of touch and taste and smell and sight to explore in great detail all aspects of being intimate.
4. Don’t accept sexual dysfunction. It’s not the natural order of things, and many medications and devices have been developed to help alleviate diminished sexual desire, pleasure and function, including hormone replacement therapy and lubricants for women and, for men experiencing erectile dysfunction, Viagra®, Cialis® and Livitra®, as well as penile vacuum pumps. Men can even boost a low sex drive with testosterone therapy.
5. Get help for your health problems. Even serious medical conditions need not prevent you from having a satisfying sex life. Heart disease: For the most part, sexual activity may be resumed within two to four weeks after a heart attack, while chest pain during sex may be helped by taking nitroglycerine or finding a less physically demanding position. Medications: If you think one of your medications might be impairing your sexual desire or performance, discuss it with your doctor.
6. Take care of your body. Eat good food, exercise regularly (sex, of course, is great exercise), get plenty of sleep, stop smoking, keep blood pressure under control and limit your use of alcohol.
7. Realize that satisfying sex takes work, at any age. Pledge to each other right now that you’re going to make it a priority to have a healthy sex life together.
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